Building Principles That Actually Work:
- Rob McClintock
- Jul 18
- 8 min read
A Framework for Authentic Change
"I know what I should do, but I can't seem to do it."
I've heard this exact phrase from executives, artists, parents, and students sitting across from me in my practice. The problem isn't lack of knowledge—it's that their principles are fighting against each other. One part says "be ambitious," another whispers "don't risk failure." One principle demands "put others first," while another insists "protect yourself."
Most people don't lack principles. They're drowning in them—inherited from childhood, borrowed from books, picked up from mentors—creating an internal civil war that leaves them paralyzed when decisions matter most.
After working with hundreds of clients navigating personal and professional transformation, I've discovered that establishing authentic, adaptable principles isn't about adding more rules to your life. It's about understanding your own mind deeply enough to create guidelines that actually support who you're becoming, not who you think you should be.
The Foundation: Your Mind Has Many Faces
As my friend Alistair Horscroft often says, "The mind is like a diamond, with many facets. Each person must find their own understanding of these facets." This isn't philosophical poetry—it's practical wisdom that changes everything about how you approach decision-making.
I learned this working with Sophie, a high-performing executive who prided herself on being rational. She'd walk into team meetings armed with data, logic, and flawless reasoning, only to watch her colleagues shut down or push back for reasons she couldn't fathom.
"I don't understand," she told me during one of our sessions. "The numbers are clear. The strategy makes sense. Why won't they just see it?"
Through our work together, Sophie began to recognize that her principles were built on a narrow view of her mind—one that privileged logic over emotion, certainty over curiosity. She had facets she'd never explored: the part that needed connection, the part that feared being wrong, the part that actually enjoyed the messy unpredictability of human dynamics.
As Sophie learned to honour these different aspects of herself, her principles evolved. Instead of "always lead with data," she developed "lead with data and connection." The results were immediate—her team meetings transformed from battlegrounds into collaborative problem-solving sessions.
Try This: For the next week, notice when you feel internal conflict about a decision. Instead of pushing through with willpower, pause and ask: "What different parts of me want different things here?" Give each part a voice. You might be surprised by what emerges.
Balancing Your Inner Apollo and Dionysus
Greek mythology gives us a powerful framework for understanding the tension at the heart of principle formation. Apollo represents reason, structure, and order. Dionysus embodies pleasure, creativity, and spontaneity. Sustainable principles require balancing these forces.
Lean too far into Apollo, and you become rigid, disconnected from your needs and desires. Chase Dionysus without structure, and you invite chaos that ultimately serves no one.
James, a creative entrepreneur, came to me feeling burnt out and directionless. He'd built his entire life around the principle "follow your passion," but found himself overwhelmed, jumping between projects, never finishing anything meaningful.
"I thought following my passion would be enough," he said. "But I'm exhausted, and I'm not even sure what I'm passionate about anymore."
Together, we explored how James could honour both his Apollonian need for structure and his Dionysian love of creative freedom. He learned to set boundaries around his creative time—specific hours for deep work, clear project deadlines, and regular reviews of what was actually working. But within those structures, he gave himself complete permission to play,
experiment, and follow unexpected creative tangents.
The result wasn't compromise—it was integration. James developed principles that supported both his creativity and his well-being: "Create with structure" and "Honour both inspiration and completion."
Try This: Look at your current principles. Are they too heavily weighted toward structure (Apollo) or freedom (Dionysus)? Choose one principle and ask: "How could I honour both structure and spontaneity here?"
Trust Your Unconscious—It's Smarter Than You Think
One of the most radical shifts in my approach comes from understanding the unconscious mind not as something to overcome, but as an ally to trust. Alistair describes the unconscious as "a self-optimizing system with an inbuilt drive toward growth" that continually seeks to create more integrated, wise responses to life.
For many clients, this is a complete reversal of how they've been taught to make decisions.
Priya, a scientist, was used to relying on conscious analysis for everything. She could break down complex research problems with ease, but found herself completely stuck when it came to a major career decision—whether to stay in academia or move to industry.
"I've made pro and con lists," she told me. "I've researched salary ranges, growth opportunities, work-life balance. I have all the data, but I still don't know what to do."
Through The Hummingbird Method—a symbolic change process that works directly with the unconscious mind's natural language of metaphor and imagery—Priya learned to access a different kind of knowing.
Instead of analysing, she learned to ask her unconscious mind to show her what each path felt like through spontaneous imagery and sensations, and to all this to unfold, almost like a movie. What emerged wasn't more data—it was clarity. Her unconscious mind gave symbolism of herself that represented being in industry, it that felt expansive and alive, while the symbolism of academia felt constraining and grey.
"It wasn't that academia was bad," Priya later reflected. "It was that it wasn't aligned with who I'm becoming. My unconscious mind knew that before my conscious mind could accept it."
Priya's principles shifted from "make the logical choice" to "integrate logic with deeper knowing." This alignment brought a sense of peace and clarity that had eluded her for months.
Try This: Next time you're facing a decision, try this simple process: Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and ask your unconscious mind to show you an image or symbol that represents each option. Don't force it—just notice what spontaneously emerges. What does this imagery tell you about each choice?
Update Your Childhood Operating System
Here's a truth that might sting: most of your core principles were formed before you were seven years old, when your brain was optimized for survival, not wisdom. These early "installs" become the foundation for how you interpret everything that happens to you.
The challenge isn't that these early beliefs were wrong—they often served important protective functions. The problem is that they may no longer fit who you are or what you need.
Maria came to me repeatedly sabotaging her romantic relationships. Just as things got serious, she'd find reasons to pull away—her partner was too needy, too distant, too something. Through our work, we traced this pattern back to a childhood experience where her emotional needs were consistently dismissed.
Her seven-year-old mind had concluded: "Needing people is dangerous. If you don't need anything, you can't be hurt."
This principle had protected young Maria, but it was destroying adult Maria's capacity for intimate connection.
"But what if I was right?" Maria asked. "What if needing people really is dangerous?"
This is where the real work begins—recognizing that our childhood interpretations are just one possible way to understand what happened. Maria's early experiences could have led to many different conclusions: "Some people aren't good at meeting emotional needs," or "I deserve to have my needs met," or "Relationships require communication about needs."
By exploring these alternative interpretations, Maria was able to update her principle from "Don't need people" to "Choose people who can handle my needs, and communicate them clearly."
Try This: Think about an area where you consistently struggle. Ask yourself: "What did I decide was true about myself, others, or the world when I was young?" Then ask: "What other conclusions could I have drawn from those same experiences?"
Recognize Your Hidden Trances
Through my training in The Hummingbird Method, I've learned to identify what is called the three "auto-hypnotic trances" that often form in childhood and keep outdated principles locked in place:
Hypnotic Evasion: Checking out mentally or emotionally when situations become too painful or overwhelming.
Hypnotic Facilitation: Automatically putting others' needs first, people-pleasing, or erasing yourself to keep the peace.
Hypnotic Vigilance: Perfectionism, control patterns, and hypervigilance about potential threats or mistakes.
These trances "hide the critical faculty from itself"—making rational thought unavailable precisely when you need it most.
Olivia, a client who struggled with boundaries, discovered she would slip into what we called a "facilitation trance" whenever conflicts arose. Her mind would go blank, her own needs would disappear, and she'd automatically agree to whatever others wanted.
"It's like I become a different person," she told me. "Afterward, I'm furious with myself, but in the moment, I literally can't access what I actually want."
By bringing this pattern into conscious awareness, Olivia could catch herself entering the trance and make different choices. She developed new principles around self-advocacy: "My needs matter" and "Conflict can be productive when handled with care."
Try This: Notice when you feel like you're on "autopilot" in certain situations. What trance might you be entering? Evasion (checking out), facilitation (people-pleasing), or vigilance (controlling)? Simply noticing these patterns is the first step to changing them.
Speak Clearly to Yourself
Your principles should be articulated in language that's clear, honest, and precise. Too often, we adopt vague commitments that sound good but provide no real guidance when we need it most.
Sam, a client who struggled with follow-through, had principles like "be authentic" and "live with integrity." They sounded meaningful, but when it came to actual decisions—whether to have a difficult conversation with his boss, whether to end a relationship that wasn't working—these principles provided no real guidance.
Through our work together, Sam learned to translate his vague principles into specific, actionable language:
"Be authentic" became "Say what I mean, mean what I say, and don't say it meanly."
"Live with integrity" became "Make choices that align with my values, even when it's uncomfortable."
This precision made his principles tools he could actually use, rather than nice ideas he could ignore.
Try This: Write out your core principles. For each one, ask: "What does this actually mean in practice? What would I do differently if I really lived by this principle?"
Build Self-Authority
Establishing authentic principles requires developing what I call self-authority—the ability to trust your own judgment and regulate your responses regardless of external pressures.
Without self-authority, your principles shift depending on who you're with, what you think others expect, or what seems socially acceptable in the moment.
Grace, a young professional, realized her principles changed like a chameleon depending on her environment. At work, she was ambitious and competitive. With her family, she was accommodating and self-sacrificing. With friends, she was spontaneous and rebellious.
"I feel like I'm different people in different contexts," she told me. "I don't know which one is really me."
Through our work, Grace learned that all these aspects were parts of her—but she needed to develop the internal authority to choose which parts to express when, rather than being unconsciously reactive to external expectations.
She developed principles that remained stable across contexts: "I can be both ambitious and kind" and "I honour different parts of myself while staying true to my core values."
Try This: Notice how your behaviour changes in different environments. What external pressures might be influencing how you show up? How could you maintain consistency with your core principles while still adapting appropriately to different contexts?
Keep Learning, Keep Growing
The most important principle about principles is this: they should evolve. Principles are living guidelines, not rigid rules carved in stone.
I encourage all my clients to regularly revisit their principles, asking: "What have I learned? What needs to change? What's working, and what isn't?"
This commitment to growth ensures that your principles remain relevant and supportive as you continue to develop and change.
Your Path Forward
Establishing authentic principles is deeply personal work. It requires the courage to examine beliefs you may have never questioned, the willingness to honour parts of yourself you may have been taught to ignore, and the patience to let new ways of being emerge organically.
But here's what I've learned from working with hundreds of people navigating this journey: the answers are already within you. Sometimes, all you need is the right framework and a little guidance to unlock them.
Your principles aren't just rules to live by—they're the foundation for a life of meaning, resilience, and authentic expression. When they're truly yours, aligned with who you are and who you're becoming, they don't feel restrictive. They feel liberating.
If you're ready to begin this journey of discovering and refining your own authentic principles, I invite you to book a Discovery Call with me.
The path to authentic principles isn't always easy, but it's always rewarding. Your future self—the one living in full alignment with who you really are—is waiting.
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